Clueless at 21

It has been several days or weeks ago, I turnedtwenty-one. In our culture, this age entails so much--of responsibility and the mischief of machismo. Fromoutside my circle, twenty-one year old men came tomany as a fully independent person, along with thequalities of being fresh from the academe, potent,viable and bound to conquer the future. While stillfrom other realities, being of this age is nothing butadded burden to being the bread-winner, besides astagnant social life and bounded by family pressures.

Whichever is destined for me, this is how I seethis dichotomy of time. And while others see it as anopportunity, I am threatened by the uncertainty of notfulfilling the expectations of people around me ifever I take either of the options.

This far, I may resemble the former, simplybecause graduation is in my reach, and that I amvibrant and excited to discover the ‘real’ world,whatever it is. Sometimes, I am envious of thosebachelors in the society pages of dailies for theamenities and opportunities of life. On the otherhand, the responsibility that goes with it isrelatively overwhelming and that also pressures me.Unconsciously for some, being of the age doesn’treally make a deal, or worst, it’s a non-sense. Andregardless of values, this I believe depicts somereality.

Before, I’ve been very excited on what it feelslike in this time of our life. But the reality of itremains in the feelings and one’s disposition. It isin the value that you put on things that makes itprecious. Otherwise, it is nothing.

Personal pressures push me to pursue on myendeavors which will told of my future. Along side, isgearing my loved-ones and departing to economicstability. Of course, I don’t want to be called of asuseless and wasted. In the same way and early on, Idon’t want to be accused of being selfish. In fact,engaging in relationship isn’t really on my prioritylist, much more with settling down at an early age. Shallow as it may seem, the perception that Ihave do not reflect that of the many in my age mainlydue to variations in priorities and values. I can onlyclaim and assert that this is how to be twenty-one, asI want to see it. But still, culture tells of thereality of a responsible, mature and wise person thatshould walk along with you.

Then again, my vantage point is where I amstepping now, who I am with and with what I have.While I considered both the successful and responsibletwenty-one men, I can sense that there’s stillsomething up for me out there.

At 21, I am not yet convinced that I’ve reachedthis far. I can’t even claim that I am mature enough.So while successes and responsibilities ahead are upfor the grab, they’re still too ideal. And while thischapter in my life entails more soul-searching, Istill remain clueless.